I’m so happy to share with you that I have a headache. It means so many things: that I have no homework, that I presented my Capstone yesterday, that I went dancing last night, that I woke up with nothing to do today…but yoga. Ahhhh. This. Feels. So. Good.
I’ve been on Pinterest for the last 30 minutes. Totally guilt free. Look at all the fun things I found! Yes, I’ve been asking insistently if I’m getting a kitten for graduation. No, I don’t think it’s happening.
Those who dwell, as scientists or laymen, among the beauties and mysteries of the earth, are never alone or weary of life. -Rachel Carson
Of my favorite beauties and mysteries of the earth are the people I am so honored to work with everyday. My life has changed so immensely in the past few years – this year, having been like many in one.
It’s amazing that this experience is wrapping up. That today, our team, and our department will gather, to share in the learning, the growth, and the challenges of the last 12 months. To celebrate the next steps.
It has been a … year. Hard. Sad. Full. Exhausting. But absolutely full of joy and beauty and a type of connection to other people, to my life, to myself, that I have never known before. It has changed the type of daughter and friend I am. It has tapped me into the mystery and unknown that lives at the center of our days. It has opened me up to a new knowing of myself that I never expected, and am just unpacking.
As life shows us things in her own timely fashion, this week has been filled with loving and generous reflections. Today a patient said, in response to my thanking her for sharing so much with me, that to listen is to be human. While we all want to be heard, for her, what we really seek, is the ability to listen. To listen to words, stories, silence, bodies. To be connected and receiving another’s reality. To witness and be welcomed in.
That is precisely what my days consist of. The job ushers me into connection with strangers over and over. The stranger can be lost almost instantly. It is suddenly you and another. It is one of the greatest gifts of my life to tend to these connections. To listen. To be seen. To hold space. To love. To create belonging – if only for 1 visit.
So, tonight we celebrate and honor the work of the last year, and so importantly, the many patients who have taught us, day in and out. Their lives have made this experience possible, and has forever shaped me.
I’ve got one exploding heart right now.
Maybe it’s because we spent our teenage years on Mt. Tam watching the sun set, or maybe it’s because since before I can remember, my dad has told me that the clouds at sunset are really pink ghoulies watching over me, but I have forever been enamored with sunsets.
Today marks eight years since Barbie lost her battle with breast cancer. I could tell you that I posted a quite literally, heavenly looking sunset today because of it’s symbolism, but that’s not it. I just loved this moment. It was on an otherwise mundane run the other night, and it absolutely made my day. Losing my mom continues to teach me many things, one of which is to make the best of all situations; another, to remain eternally optimistic; and another – to absolutely value all those tiny moments I wouldn’t otherwise remember.
Today, I am thankful for the 22 years I had with my mom, but I’m also thankful for so much good fortune that’s come my way since. The bigger things – my honey, my career, my education, my doggie, for starters – and the littler things – a good book, beautiful sunset, an infectious laugh.
Cheers to the mama.
For the first time in years the other night, honey asked me how my day was, and I said “good”. I didn’t sigh and talk about the things I couldn’t get done, I didn’t use the word “stressful”, and I didn’t say “I’m just always so busy”. I had a good day. Because finally, I love my job again. It’s been a few years and a lot of hard work, but I’m there.
For awhile I had been feeling like I was doing two jobs – managing a decently sized team of fundraisers and managing my own large event(s). It was overwhelming and exhausting, but I work with very good people and for an organization doing very important work, so I stuck with it. I pushed through too many long and isolating days and I turned down too many fun after work and weekend activities with friends. Then, in January, we made it official and hired someone to do my “second” job. What a difference it makes. For everyone – maybe mostly for the people who ask me “how’s work” and no longer get an earful about how busy I am.
Don’t get me wrong – there is still plenty to do. But it’s manageable and I feel like I have the time and brainpower to do it well. I feel like I can finally support the team and plan for the future. Yes… today I love my job. And that feels really good.
I love Fridays. There is something about leaving for work in the morning on a Friday in jeans and my sneaks, knowing that when I leave at the end of the day, it’s me time for the next 48 hours. Fridays just feel different. And then of course when 5 o’clock rolls around, there’s that unbelievable feeling of having no plans. Nowhere to be, nothing to do. The freedom of a Friday night puts all of me at ease. I may be on my couch in my tiny cozy home, and it may be raining outside, but sometimes this feels just as good as a beach on the Riviera Maya.
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