Alright. Here we go. Gettin’ back on the horse.
Monday number two of new job. New job equaling permanent position. No year long commitment, no set graduation date, no sense of how long this era will last.
I’m not one to have a crazy travel bug, but let me tell you, this week I’ve imagine moving and it adventuring to Ireland, Paris, Switzerland (they have a palliative care fellowship there), the bay (I mean, obviously, permanent job means it is time to move home immediately), LA, escalen (my hippy nature is dying here and must be revived with a month long intensive in somatic body work). I’ve imagined all the careers I could have choosen- the ones that make more money, are mote FUN, young, creative, social, cool.
I’ve essentially spent a week indulging in not right now, not the here and now, not my daily life.
This created a crap storm of emotional distress. Woah. Wanna freak yourself out? Let your mind revel and tailspin in all the things that aren’t right now.
It’s kind of like snuggling up to this cactus. It’s a pretty plant, but you don’t want it as your cuddle buddy.
So, I spent my Sunday gathering myself. Harnessing the tools I have to keep me here now, the tools the tender attend to my life admit is today. Who the heck knows what’s gonna happen. Permanent job? No end of this era? Come on. I’m at least a little wiser than that.
It’s humbling to get smacked around by … My mind. That thing can really run rampant and like a bull in a china shop, make a mess of my experience! Trying to make permanent states out of things that will naturally evolve.
So, today we will be working with today.