i hella heart home.

It just feels so good to walk through that front door sometimes.  No, my shower isn’t as fancy as the W, and no, I won’t have a king sized bed to myself.  But.  My doggy jumps up and down when I come home, my honey laughs harder than me when New Girl comes on, I can have coffee as soon as I wake up (and it’s Philz – duh), and I always have the right makeup brushes handy.

It was an energizing week of meetings and conference, but I also think my blood pressure spiked at least three times each day (ahhhh, the “to do” list grows so fast when you’re surrounded by great ideas).  I couldn’t be more happy that I have a day to pull the last seven together – think massive Outlook cleanup – and then, the weekend.  I get to plan date night tomorrow, so we are going on the Great Wheel. And no, he doesn’t read this blog, so it’ll be a lovely surprise.

2 years

Happy anniversary, New York!

We’ve done so much together: graduate school, two internships, half a fellowship. We’ve walked hundreds of miles, ran a little, danced, yoga classed, meditation classed. We’ve had so many beautiful meals, and even more bagels (beautiful in their own right). We’ve people watched for days and scouted every worthy cup of coffee in lower manhattan and much of Brooklyn. We’ve seen live music, gone to outside movies in the summertime. We’ve joined the gym and quit. We’ve joined to coop and been suspended; joined a csa and manage to pay the bill every week. We’ve moved. We’ve bought furniture, books and a lot of clothes. Therapy re-entered the picture; so dis acupuncture while learning the great power of non-descript Chinese massage places (at 11 pm). We’ve been to California many, many times – we’ve hosted many a loved one. We’ve been joined by so many friends. We’ve gone on good dates and bad ones. We’ve been hurt and done a little hurting. We’ve cried in the subway a lot, and danced on the platforms when the song was too good to be ignored.

Ok, wow.

There was a recent fantastic first okcupid date. Fireworks, laughter, really good conversation. Oh, and he is 6’6. Amazing. It was one of those dates that started with beers, moved to ice cream sandwiches, burgers, a walk home, more talking, and on. It was a giddy shmorgusborg.

I then proceeded to have a roller coaster of feelings. Such is the Bridget world of liking someone new. It is so damn hard for me to stay present. I get swirled up and before I know it, have reasoned my way into detaching (of the emotional not Buddhist variety) and warranting myself off to the lone ranger desert island of my fiercely defended independence. After 1 good date. Now, this could either be explained as psychopathology, or the home of some of my greatest spiritual work- how to show up, be here now, and stay open without needing to know or control how things will work out when it comes to love.

So, after a few days I got back on track and figured out how to use the surface feelings of a date to move some of the deeper feelings about my work. A second hang out happened, communication was clear and fun, and I started the week on an excited, and less distracted foot.

Yesterday, in a momentary daydream steering me out of the hospital and into my imagination, I had a flash of running into said dater while he was on another date. I thought about how weird and quite frankly, interesting, it would be to see that, and imagined how I would respond.

And then, it happened.

Sitting at one of my favorite spots with Nora, he appeared, with another her ( to eat the same ice Cream sandys we had – maybe not the most original thing to do). The blood proceeded to drain from my face and my body flushed with adrenaline. How powerful the heart and brain! are. I was high as I kite. Thanks to Nora’s heads up, I squeezed my cheeks and brought some glow back to my face- the competition was headed straight for me. The interaction was awkward at best. But good god, is he cute.

The kicker was when they sat down 10 feet away to eat. We had just opened our sandwiches and our beers were full. We weren’t going anywhere. My appetite moved to my toes with all the blood in my body, and my heart continued to pound. Nora was the perfect conversation partner in such a moment, and we handled the next 25 minutes with as much grace, and laughter, as possible.

As soon as they left, after an awkward goodbye, I flushed with tears. Now, tears, they are as common as anything around these parts, and we’re truly a sign of chemical overload. I mean, holg good god. Really universe?

The run-in stories are nothing new. And, as I always say, I’ll take them, for their sacred reminder to the connectedness of things. And, yesterday for me, was really a sweet gift. Hospital integration and constant transition has left me feeling separated from my intuition – the earthy and spirited parts of myself have struggled to hold their ground in social work school and the city. But apparently, my lifeline to the unseen dimensions are alive and well. And for that reminder, I am ever grateful.

Good for Traffic

I’m doing it. Okcupid date. Today. This evening in fact. I am meeting said suitor at MadSquareEats for some bougie delishishness. RIght after therapy. Interesting timing on my part.

Now, if we think back to my last okcupid date, it was hardly, well, it only produced a good story. And to be honest, I have felt a little defensive/over online dating since. Why subject myself to torturous company if there isn’t even some baseline attraction (other than photos online, which really mean very little).

But, in a sort of devotional gesture to the universe as to my openness to date now that school is over, I am going out. I instated a phone call first rule with this date (and all further online dates from here on out). I am a firm believer that voices tell much. And, if you have nothing else physical to go with for a first date, you might as well know you like the tone of the other’s voice.

This guy passed the phone test. He did fess up to slightly overestimating his height (maybe he is 5″11.5 not 6′). But he saved himself with a quick jib about how someone told him once about the law of attraction. If you put it out there, maybe it will come true. You know, that got my hippy new age heart.

So, here goes.

no expectations, I swear.

Waiting for the Train

These two were pretty cute. They moved around, a lot, in this position. Changed directions, looked around. But her hands were always in his pockets and their bodies remained facing one another the whole time. At one point, she placed her feet on his, like they were dancing and she didn’t know the moves.

The more impressive thing about this shot is that I was literally three feet away from them and have moved into a new land of having no shame about taking pictures of strangers. I can only imagine how interesting the confrontation will be one day when I get caught. Not that I want that.